Healing from Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence takes time. The time allotted to heal cannot be determined by any clock or calendar. You will have good days and bad days, so be prepared to expect the unexpected. Individuals that have experience abuse suffer from post-traumatic stress. Different things can trigger different reactions. In my effort to thrive through Domestic Abuse, I neglected to grieve and process the last decade of my life. It was easier to press forward until I was faced with an issue that I could not bulldozer past.
People neglect to realize that being a partner to an abuser means neglecting your own personal needs and desires for an extended period of time. I was married for over a decade to an abuser and the effects are long standing. Therefore healing should be expected to take time. My healing truly started almost a year after separation from my abuser. I took the time to research the signs of abuse and how it affects all involved. Including the effects of my relationship with my children and extended family. I had to understand how abuse was there from the beginning and how it’s easy to confuse it for love. In the end, I realized that I didn’t really know who I was, but I knew what I wanted to become.
Understanding the importance of taking the time to heal is essential when making better choices moving forward. Everything from getting into a new relationship to selecting a job requires your ability to make wise decisions for yourself and your children. The pressure from making day-to-day decisions can be overwhelming when working with limited resources or dealing with the court systems.
In the end, I had to deal with my baggage. It was not pretty or fun to really look at the last decade of my life. The evidence of abuse was clear, but I had to be open to revisiting the pain. I had to discuss how abuse left ugly scars with my family and friend in order to heal. Healing can happen, but you have to do the work.