3 Types of Haters the Every Visionary Should Recognize

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Ever since I can remember, I was an Odd Duck. Physically I looked fine, but my unique qualities were internal. I was just cut from a different cloth. My perspective on life was never mainstream and my dream life appeared abruptly different from my peers. So what’s a visionary to do?

My reoccurring thought until my mid-thirties was to try to fit in. Over my lifespan, I attempted to fit in with the Popular Girls, the Church Ladies, the Homeschool Moms, the Gymnastic Moms, the Stay-At-Moms, and the Working Women. All attempts ended in me being the Odd Duck out. No matter how hard I tried to fit, there was always a reason these women ended up hating me. Hating Me!

The emotional pain and mental anguish of trying to figure out why and the effects of peer rejection wore off around the age of 33. Then came the period of acceptance that I am just not everyone’s cup of tea. They didn’t have to like me, it’s their personal preference. However, I realized that in most of these instances the women involved were malicious in how they treated me. I am no victim, but the term “Haters” exists for a reason.

See in this world you have “Haters” and “The Hated On”. I am a tribal member of
“The Hated On” tribe. It took me a whole lifetime to get it.
“Haters” are not mythical creatures and you are not on your job unless you have a few. See whenever I grind or hustle real hard to achieve my dreams, one mysteriously appears. Their sole assignment is to block, hinder or taint my vision. In time, I’ve learned to recognize the characteristics and tactics of “Haters”. By doing so, I have learned to avoid their traps and prevent them from affecting my progress. Here are the most common types of Haters.

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Judas the Hater of Haters

This Hater is a spouse, close relative or best friend. They know you intimately because secretly they want to be you. However, they can be sneaky, back biting and self-absorbed. When you hit a low point, this gives them energy and they feel a sense of winning. They mislead you to believe that they care about you, deep down inside the hate runs deep. Their jealousy rears its ugly head from time to time in unhealthy was, but eventually, their true nature is revealed in explosive ways. If you walk away from the relationship, they become toxic and explosive. This Hater can be the most difficult to recognize because the work so hard to gain your trust. Don’t be misled by their perceived loyalty, they really want your dream to fail.

The Conductor and Orchestra

The Conductor is the mastermind behind a crew of Haters (the Orchestra). They schedule rehearsals to figure out how to play you. This often appears in the form of bullying or sabotage. They all have a vested interest in disliking you and coming together under the leadership of a Conductor of Hate only fuels their common interests. They are stronger and more aggressive together, but you must take down the Conductor in order identify everyone involved. They are strategic, well organized and cunning, so watch them closely.
They mostly hate on you from a distance, When they attack they are coming to end you. Since they plan to attack, they usually publicly try to humiliate you. It’s a master performance. Remember their common bond is hating you, their power is in numbers. So be prepared to dismantle the entire Orchestra, because a new Conductor can arise to take the place of the old one.

The Owner of Hating!

This is my favorite Hater because they don’t hide the fact that they are hating on you. They just say it and show it. This gives you the opportunity to recognize how they really fell and exit immediately. You understand that they are not on your side and will never have your best interest at heart. It’s best to know who you’re dealing with exactly so that you can deal with them accordingly.

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On a final note, having Haters is healthy for you. It’s a sign that you are doing something right. Haters hate you because you possess something that they wish they had. It could be your confidence, your brains, your beauty, your muscle, your passion or success that triggers their negative emotions to you. Just keep moving forward no matter what they do, it will make you stronger.

I hope that this blog inspires you to “Face Your Fear and Fly”. Everyone has a purpose. Click on the link and download your free “Face Your Fear and Fly” workbook today!

 

3 Tips for Creating Your Own Opportunities for Success.

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You have a big dream, now what? Most people never fulfill their dreams and goals. Why is this the case? I can personally provide an answer to the question at hand. People are waiting for someone else to give them their big shot. The chances of this happening are slim to none.

Being discovered can and will happen for some people, but for most their dreams become deferred.  They will never rise to their true potential and even face becoming bitter about living a life that’s unfulfilling.

I have been out of college for 17 years. During that time, I pursued my dreams and goals while working several full-time jobs, being a wife, raising a family, surviving Domestic Abuse, and enduring the longest divorce ever.  I am a creative introvert with many skills, talents, and gifts under my belt. So self-promotion is a clear weakness that I had failed to master. As a result of my perpetual shyness, I struggled to present my gifts and talents to the world.

I often waited for someone to give me a chance, to support my vision or see my creative talent…it never happened. I am a very unique individual and I always have been misunderstood by my family, friends, and peers. My personality is fearless, innovative and self-aware. These are characteristics frowned upon by mainstream settings like the churches and businesses. So that means…I didn’t fit in most crowds.

However, my dreams, visions, and goals haunt me in my sleep. I hate working a 9 to 5 job and desired to earn a living to take care of my family in an alternate way. So after much prayer and soul searching, God revealed to me that I must create my own opportunities for success. Here are my top three tips.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. – Lao Tzu

Take the 1st Step: You have to start somewhere to accomplish your dream. If you want to be a writer, you have to write. If you want to be a singer, you have to sing. If you want to be an artist, you have to create. My first step always starts with prayer and then God gives me the vision. I put the vision on paper and generate a to-do list. I start with the first thing on the list. That’s my first step. You have to start somewhere.

Understand that Everyone Can’t Go: The journey to success is lonely! God gave the vision or dream to you. It’s yours and yours alone. People won’t always understand your process or your purpose path. You have to accept that everyone cannot make it to the end and see your dreams fulfilled. You may have to eliminate people that are in the way of your personal growth or negative.

In addition, you have to protect your dream from naysayers. Some people are so limited in their understanding, their minds cannot conceptualize the vision that God gave you. If you know that God gave it to you, just know that he will see you through.

Create Your Opportunities: For years I believed that my success would happen in a church, it never did. In prayer, God revealed that I was supposed to go into the streets to my best work. I refuse to believe that, so for over a decade I did it my way. My way failed and my dream was stalled many times. The disappointment and discouragement of others questioning my craft, made me doubt myself. Doubting yourself only prolongs the inevitable success of your dream.  I would get depressed and question the dream that God gave me.

I finally got it after multiple failed attempts of trying to imitate other speakers or seek acceptance from others. I needed to be confident in knowing that God gave me everything that I need to follow my dreams. I had the resources, knowledge, and experience to create my own opportunities to write and speak. So I look for opportunities to market what I do and God presents new opportunities. Always understand that God has the master plan, He just needs you to execute faith and hope to complete the assignment.

I hope that this blog inspires you to “Face Your Fear and Fly”. Everyone has a purpose. Click on the link and download your free “Face Your Fear and Fly” workbook today!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deal with Your S%$#!

In 2016 I had a revelation! People don’t like to deal with their fears, issue, drama, or past mistakes. They just want to move on. This occurred to me when I tried to swiftly move on past separating from my husband. In my mind, I was done and it was time to move aggressively forward. However, I learned that sometimes you just have to “Deal with Your S%$#!”

I just wanted to forget about all the hell he put me through.  I didn’t want to talk about or think about. In addition, I wasn’t fooling anybody…only myself. So I forged ahead like my life depended on avoiding the issues. So when I finally decided to stop running from my past and face my biggest fear, I became free to fly.

Here are the top 4 reasons for you need to Deal with Your S%$#!

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Are you trying to convince yourself that you can move forward without Dealing with Your S%$#! ?

 

It Affects You Spiritually

When you don’t fell worthy to receive God’s blessings for your life, you live in guilt, fear, and shame. Taking the time to explore your baggage with prayer, meditation, and Spiritual guidance (whatever that is for you) can free you to think differently about your situation. It will change your mindset and open your heart to true change. A change that lasts, not a temporary fix.

It Affects You Mentally

How you think determines what you do. If your past mistakes linger in your mind, you cannot move past the mental roadblock. No matter how hard you try negative thoughts will arise. For example, a family member or friend may have hurt you in the past. Instead of addressing the issue, you decided just move pass it.

Now whenever that person makes a comment or does something that you think is wrong…you remember the first incident. It will play over and over in your mind. The next thing you know you have a running list of offenses from this person. If you are fearful that addressing the issue, will cause more harm. You are right. It causes you harm because they don’t even realize you feel the way that you do.

It Affects You Emotionally

Let’s piggyback on the hurt from a fellow loved one. So you decided not to deal with your issue and you quickly move on. Well, now some innocent bystander gets the emotional s%$# that you should have addressed with the person that offended you. They don’t even get why you are tripping. You can’t even explain what the issue is. Some people live a lifetime with mommy and daddy issues, but refuse to confront the source.

The truth is…It’s painful. What if that person denies it or minimizes it? That can really make you mad. Honestly, most people deny causing you harm. Why? Because they don’t want to “Deal with Their S%$#” either. Isn’t that funny? Nobody wants to deal with the hurt or pain.

Now you are all jacked up! You think you have forgiven them or yourself, but all you did was put a Band-Aid on something that needs major surgery.

It Affects You Physically

Lastly, the lack of dealing with your personal drama affects you physically.  You are stressed, spiritually bound up, living a lie and secretly mad as hell. All of the above cause High-Blood Pressure, Diabetes, Cancer, weight gain, weight loss or any other medical condition associated with stress.

It can even affect your personal space. People that are hoarders, usually do it because they have an issue that they don’t want to face.

Maybe you are alone. You didn’t deal with your drama and now you are unpleasant to be around as a result. You want to be the “Life of the Party”, but something is holding you back. Now you are hating on people that dealt with their issues and watching them “Live Life Like it’s Golden”.  You are mad because they are successful and happy. You are just mad.

How Do You Deal?

The solution is to just go through the process.  If you have to cry, write a letter, take a sabbatical journey, get counseling, join a church or confront someone that hurt you… Just do the work. The pain is necessary to grow. It may take some time and some people may not get understand. They don’t determine the time that you need to deal with your mess. Don’t rush and be strategic in your process.

It will be hard, it will be lonely, it will be hurtful, but in the end, you will be free to truly fly forward.

On A Personal Note…

In 2016, I dealt with my personal baggage. Let me tell you…I cried, I confronted, I prayed and I dealt with the pain. See I thought that I was moving forward, but when I hit a roadblock. This roadblock stopped me dead in my tracks. I gained weight that I had just lost, plus 10 extra pounds. My kids irritated me, I didn’t want to celebrate (holidays, weddings, and birthdays were out) and I began to hate my job. My house was a wreck and my schedule was all over the place. In addition, I had a dream of being a successful writer and speaker, but it was stagnating. My mindset was so negative and I couldn’t shake it.  I was suddenly depressed, broke down and burnt out.

I spent the entire last month of 2016 “Dealing with My S%$#!” It was worth every single teardrop. When I was done, my spirit felt free. I was free to forgive, speak my mind and do me.

Thus why my business and outreach is getting a makeover.

My fears were holding me back. Things like what people thought about me or how I would make them feel were preventing me from being who I truly was.

I am so excited about the future that words cannot express my increase energy. The physical, emotional, and mental weight has been lifted. My days are so exciting! I see God’s hand everywhere and I feel so optimistic the plans that he has for me.

If you are not where you want to be, it’s not because you broke your New Year’s Resolution. It’s because you are scared to address your mess from the previous years.

Click the link and download the “Face Fear and Fly” workbook, do the work and free yourself.

Every eagle needs soar and every butterfly needs to float.

Healing Starts Here

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Healing from Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence takes time. The time allotted to heal cannot be determined by any clock or calendar. You will have good days and bad days, so be prepared to expect the unexpected. Individuals that have experience abuse suffer from post-traumatic stress. Different things can trigger different reactions. In my effort to thrive through Domestic Abuse, I neglected to grieve and process the last decade of my life. It was easier to press forward until I was faced with an issue that I could not bulldozer past.

People neglect to realize that being a partner to an abuser means neglecting your own personal needs and desires for an extended period of time. I was married for over a decade to an abuser and the effects are long standing. Therefore healing should be expected to take time. My healing truly started almost a year after separation from my abuser. I took the time to research the signs of abuse and how it affects all involved. Including the effects of my relationship with my children and extended family.  I had to understand how abuse was there from the beginning and how it’s easy to confuse it for love. In the end, I realized that I didn’t really know who I was, but I knew what I wanted to become.

Understanding the importance of taking the time to heal is essential when making better choices moving forward. Everything from getting into a new relationship to selecting a job requires your ability to make wise decisions for yourself and your children. The pressure from making day-to-day decisions can be overwhelming when working with limited resources or dealing with the court systems.

In the end, I had to deal with my baggage. It was not pretty or fun to really look at the last decade of my life. The evidence of abuse was clear, but I had to be open to revisiting the pain. I had to discuss how abuse left ugly scars with my family and friend in order to heal. Healing can happen, but you have to do the work.

Decisions, Decisions!

 

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We make decisions every day. Our choices can affect the future and we take that power that we have to make decisions for granted. Deciding to move forward or wait patiently have equal value. It’s not deciding at all that can cause chaos in our lives. The fear of making the wrong decision often paralyzes us from making any decision at all. There is a weird sense of comfort in resting in the arms indecisiveness.

This past year I was faced with several life alternating decisions. I made several choices that were painstaking, like divorce, starting a new job, and sharing my story with the whole world. It has been difficult at times to pray about it all. I wanted God to show me how to get through it all with a crystal clear lenses. I wanted the easy way out. It was the opposite, making decisions was painful and I hated it every step of the way. Life is filled with options and God gave us free will. It seemed so daunting to figure things out. Mentally I was done, but in the end my faith was being strengthen. God made a way out of no way and showed me how far I have grown. It’s like the trust exercise. I decided to fall backward and trust that God would catch me. He did!

It was the opposite, making decisions were painful and I hated it every step of the way. Life is filled with options and God gave us free will. It seemed so daunting to figure things out. Mentally I was done, but in the end, my faith was being strengthened. God made a way out of no way and showed me how far I have grown. It’s like the trust exercise. I decided to fall backward and trust that God would catch me. He did!

Life is filled with options and God gave us free will. It seemed so daunting to figure things out. Mentally I was done, but in the end, my faith was being strengthened. God made a way out of no way and showed me how far I have grown. It’s like the trust exercise. I decided to fall backward and trust that God would catch me.

He did!

Join Me On June 5th at the Face Fear & Fly Workshop

 

I Choose To Thrive For My Children

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What I thought was real was a lie. I thought this was love and it was a lie. The experience left me ashamed, embarrassed and isolated, but I am still here. I refuse to be a victim and surviving means that I just barely made it out. That’s not true for me, that’s not my story.

When I got out, I was determined that I was going to live my life to the fullest. I was determined that my children would have the best in life. I was determined that my life would matter and I would help someone come through on the other side.

Life after Domestic Abuse can leave lost in a maze. It can change your perspective on life. You have to make the choice whether or not what you experienced will give people the right to label you and put you in a box. I refuse to wear that label as a badge of honor or build a nest in a box.

See none of those labels worked for me. Here are just a few reasons, why “I Thrive Through Domestic Abuse”

When I Was Done, I Was Done.

People don’t understand how I just never looked back. My abuser and I were married for over a decade and we have four children. He made it easy. During the marriage, I begged him to get help and he refused. So I went to counseling for Domestic Violence at a local non-profit and I did the work. I refer to this as “Getting My Muscle”.  I gain my strength in counseling and I accepted the fact that I had choices. I knew that I deserved better and decided that I was done. I decided that I deserved to be happy and my children deserved better.

My Dreams and Goals Were Important.

I always dreamed of helping women and children. The children part came easy to me because I am an educator. It was reaching out to women that made life complex. How do you explain to them that you appear strong, but Domestic Abuse was a part of my daily routine?  I didn’t want to tell a lie, so I told the truth about my marriage. Some women went silent, others defended my abuser stating that marriage is sacred, and some discreetly told me their personal stories of abuse. That quiet group that pulled me aside and shared their Domestic Violence story, gave me to strength to continue to tell the truth. Statics report the 1 in 4 women experience  Domestic Violence. That means to you know someone living in the silence of abuse at the hands of their partner.  I speak and write for them. I will be their voices,

Most Importantly, I Thrive for My Children.

They need me to be strong, successful, loving, kind, God-filled, healthy, wealthy and focused. Failure is not an option when I look into their eyes. My daughters needed to see me have victory and my son needed to know that I would never give up. Every choice that I make they are the center. The get the best version of me no matter what. No matter what dish life has served you, no one should remain victimized. Life is too beautiful to merely survive. Thrive and live a life that will bless you, your children and someone else. They deserve the best mother that I can be. Happy Mother’s Day to all the women that do their best and know that God will always bless your best. My gift to you is a Free EBook, you can download it here. If you find that you are not thriving it will help you to figure things out.

 

Face Fear and Fly!

Learning to Fly

A bird must be terrified to take the first flight. I can only imagine the thoughts of falling to your death. Fear is paralyzing and can cause you to stop dead in your tracks or never try at all. A fear of falling will cause you to never hike a mountain. A fear of flying will stop you from traveling around the world. The fear of rejection will stop you from taking a chance at success. A person that fears to be lonely will stay in a bad relation far too long. Fear will cause you to go the opposite direction of your big dream. Apply these 3 tips to identify the fear that is stopping you from loving the life that you live.

Identify the Core of Your Fear

The center of your fear is more than what think. For example, you are not fearful of flying, but you are really fearful of dying in a plane crash. Another example, you are not fearful of getting out of a bad relationship, but fearful of being alone. The core of your fear will show up in multiple areas of your life and prevent you from making concrete choices, moving forward or following your dreams. Don’t be fooled that you have many fears, a core fear will birth other fears. That thing is the core of all your fears.

Determine the Birthplace of your Core Fear

Once you identify the core of your fear, you have to determine when that fear was birthed (Yes, your fear has a birthday). My core fear was the thought of not being able to take care of myself and my children financially. It surfaced in my abusive marriage, where financial abuse was one of the primary forms used to control me.  As a result, my money mindset caused anxiety and extreme stress. I still struggle in this area, but I have developed strategies to manage this fear.

Face Your Core Fear

Once you identify your core fear and determine the birthplace of that fear, you must face that fear. You can’t move forward until you face your fears. Fears are there to stop you from moving forward and the core fear can expand like a web. This web will paralyze you like a spider does to its prey. The core fear is one thing, but other webs of fear prevent you from moving at all. It presents itself in the forms of procrastination, stress, anger, depression, weight gain, weight loss, isolation, and much more. When you get stuck in a web of fear, there is only one way out…Face it!

You may need counseling (which is not a bad thing) or to talk to a close friend about your core fear. Talking about is the 1st step to facing it. Once you get it out in the open, list action steps to move past the fear. In my case, I told my close friend about my fear and it allowed me to see how the fear spilled over into multiple areas of my life. I faced my fear by taking an expensive class that was needed for my professional development. It was expensive to me and in the past I would have struggled to learn a skill due to a lack of finances. It resulted in me struggling to launch my business ventures. I would always get to a certain point and have to stop. You need money to operate most businesses. So I gave up and always felt like a failure. This had to stop or I would never live out my dream. Never.

Find A Way To Manage Your Fear

You can manage your fear. That’s right, you can manage fear. We will always have some measure of fear…ALWAYS. However, you must find your own way to manage it. I had to do the same thing myself. I shared some of my techniques in my new EBook titled “Face Fear And Fly! If you want to learn more about how you can manage your fear, download it here…it’s free.