Are You Using What You Have, To Get What You Dream About?

I want to make a change in my community

I started blogging in 2008 under the pseudonym “Saved Sistas”, because I lacked confidence in what I had to offer the world. The funny thing is, I got paid about $800.00 dollars for one of my blog writings that year. That should have been confirmation in my talent, but it was not. I struggled for years to gain confidence in public speaking and writing. The excuses were ongoing and prolonged my dream of helping women and children. A lack of confidence results in a lack of consistency. In the end, my goals suffered and so did I. I would get an opportunity to speak or write from time to time, but I was my own hurdle.

A lack of confidence results in a lack of consistency. -Nikki Guy-Dixon

In time, my desire to speak and write became unbearable. It was the thorn in my side. Each reason that I had created in my mind not to move forward, appeared minimal in the big scheme of things.  Being a mother of four, a lack of financial resources, limited skills, and a lack of time were my biggest obstacles to conquer. The internet has change the game on marketing, learning, and producing. You can do just about anything with time and the click of a button.

In addition, fear of rejection and the inability to ask for what I wanted were also two internal road blocks. Some people could take rejection and keep moving full throttle in getting what they wanted. I took rejection personal and it took me time to pick up and go on. So I had to to change my mind site. Today, I focus on “One Yes” and move past a million no’s. In summary, it only takes one yes to change your whole life.

This change for me when marriage ended. I was now a single parent that had to take of four children alone. We had nothing and it was clear that if we were going to survive, I would have to use what I already had. I did not have time to get new skills, contacts, degrees or plans. My only means of survival were to use what God had already given me to take care of my children and myself.  In my lowest moment, I asked friends to host home speaking engagements and I spoke for donations. People were supportive and I was able to earn enough money to get back on my feet. This was the ultimate wake up call.

I quickly realized that God had given me all that I needed to live my dream and provide for my family. In the end, I had to step out on faith, take one step at a time, and use what God had already given me. So my writing may not be perfect and I may be self-taught in many things (blogging, websites, speaking, and internet marketing), but God gave me everything that I needed to achieve my dreams.

Are you using what God has already given you to live out your dreams? If not, take an inventory of your skills and talents. Write down your future dream and assess how your current abilities can help you to reach your dreams. I provided a sample below to help you out and worksheet to start on for yourself (click the link to download your own copy). God Bless in your journey to use what you have to live out your dreams.

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Fail Until You Succeed

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The simple quote “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is worth applying to your everyday life when think about your failures. It took me about a year to recover from what I thought was a series of life failures, but what seemed like my biggest failure was actually my biggest blessing. I decided to turn my mess into a success, by counteracting my negative thoughts with positive actions. A year ago my life was in complete chaos. Each day something new came my way and I had to decide if I was going to let it finish me off or if I would use it for the fuel to turn my life around.

My theory about facing obstacles that seem like failures, change your perspective about the purpose for failing in your life. Here are some great reasons to understand why failure is important to your success:

Failure Makes You Human-Jesus was the only perfect person to walk the Earth. We all make mistakes. Some people just can’t accept the fact that failures happen to everyone in some manner or another. It’s okay if you fail, but it’s not okay to stay there.

Failure Instills Wisdom-If you didn’t fail, how would you learn from your mistakes? If you are not learning from your failures, you are missing the purpose of failure. Failure should only be a temporary place, not a permanent residence. There is always a lesson to be learned. By taking time to analyze why or how you failed, you can gain invaluable nuggets of wisdom. The biggest mistakes people make when failing is concentrating on the failure solely, blaming others, or internalizing the effects of failing. You must always look to failure as “a substitute teacher” of a class that you are going to pass anyway. Who doesn’t graduate because they failed a class with substitute teacher? You do the work or you don’t and face the consequences of your actions either way.

Failure Makes You Stronger-Failure will either make you work harder or give up. Which one do you think is harder to do? Giving up is harder. People that give up live with the regret that they stopped moving forward when the failed. Giving up will last a lifetime and causes spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional depletion. If you push through failure, you will gain strength in knowing what you are capable of doing. Remember that failure hurts, but giving up is suicide.

Failure Gives You a Voice-People that fail have a story to tell that can inspire a nation. If you are willing to be transparent about your failures, you could encourage someone else to push through their own failure and succeed. When people see you push through, they will wonder how you found the strength to make it. Our story is our testimony and that is how we share what God able to do in our lives.

Failure is Necessary-Failure is necessary in our journey. We can’t avoid life’s imperfections. The blemishes or stains that we call failure always have a blessing attached to it. Sometimes we just can’t see the success story, because we are focused on the tale of the failure. The tale of failure always appears larger than life, put it’s only a hurdle that we must jump over to reach the finish line. A failure always has a success attached to it, you only have to shift your perspective to see it.

I hope that you enjoy this glass of ice cold glass of lemonade.

Creating A Life Worth Living

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Are you living a life worth living? What does that even mean? It means that your present in your moment and loving it. It doesn’t matter what season of life that you are in either. I will soon be a 38 year-old single mother of 4 and I love it! I love being single. I love being a mom. I love getting older and wiser. I love my life so much now, I wrote a book about it to share especially with you.

Life is good now, but just a year ago it was messy. Real Messy! I realized that I didn’t have to stay in a mess, so I created a life worth living. Stroke by stroke, my life became a masterpiece. People can’t believe that I look and feel so good. This eBook is the first of a series coming in 2016. I will share my take on life as I know it and I am so excited!

Download Your Copy Today!

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I’m So Excited!

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Life is really funny, if you chose to look at from that perspective. I choose to laugh and not cry about getting older. In fact, I get more excited about living life every day. I truly believe that my days ahead of me are my best days and not the days behind me. My birthday is this month and I am so excited about what this year will bring. When I think about the benefits that come with aging, I get so excited! Here are my three top reasons that a lady should embrace aging;

It’s Inevitable:

Unless you die young, you will age. It’s a fact! Some may be in denial, but most women won’t go without a fight. We work out, use make-up, replace hair, wear uncomfortable waist trainers, get plastic surgery, and shop the cosmetics counter until we drop. It exhausting! Don’t get me wrong, we should fight the good fight. Health is important! Self-Image is important! I get excited about aging, because I can be free to define my own beauty story.  If you have gray hair and want to rock it, go ahead. Those few extra pounds may be worth the happiness of your favorite snack, eat up. If you want to fight aging until the bitter end, enjoy the battle. You will age, so get excited about the inevitable.

It’s Fun:

Aging can be fun. I think aging makes you bolder and brave. You may want to try something new or explore your options. Get excited about discovering the new adventures out there. Travel, dance, go back to school, chase a dream and laugh. You may have some bloopers, but that’s the fun part. One of my dear friends called me out on my lack of the fun factor. So it’s my personal goal to enjoy life to the fullest. Get excited about having fun.

It’s Liberating:

You know what you like and what you don’t like. You start to learn who you are. Hopeful you have learned from your mistakes. Your opinion matters and your voice can be heard. This was true for the younger you, but for some confidence takes time. Your experiences mean something and you can make a difference. You stop asking for permission to be yourself. Be free to be you. Now, that’s exciting.

 

 

The New To-Do List

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Balancing life after divorce is not easy.  Technically, I am not divorced yet…but I will be soon. However, pre separation I was a busy stay at home mom. The kids had activities and my ex worked six days a week on the road. I tried to fit my health and wealth in there somewhere. I woke up at the crack of dawn to spend time with God, but I always felt deflated at the end of the day. My days ran together and turned quickly into years and little felt accomplished over time.

Today, I work a great job that is very demanding. I still feel deflated at the end of a work day. So now that I have established a basic connection between the two scenarios…me. I was not good at managing my time. Doing too many things at one time and screaming that I need a clone of myself to complete a day. How do you solve a time management problem? Here are three steps…

Prioritize Who or What Can Wait…

Will that business luncheon or play date stop the world, if you cancel? Ask yourself a fundamental question when planning your day. What’s most important today? You will be surprised at the answer, when you honestly ask that question. Does it have to be done right now or today? Can you focus on what’s most important in your day and relish in the fact that you achieved that one goal for the day. Our badge of honor as women, is how much can we get done in one day. Then we wonder why we are so stressed.

Create A Schedule That Has Down Time…

Time is the most valuable asset and once you lose it…it’s gone. Make time for yourself. Schedule in your prayer time, exercise time, girlfriend time, pamper time and vacation time. No matter if you are a single or married, you need this time to recharge yourself. You will find yourself stressed with good down time. Most men are great at making time for the down time, women feel guilty about taking time for themselves. The world won’t fall apart if you take an hour to get a massage.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up…

So what if you don’t accomplish 50 million tasks in one day. The world will keep going and you won’t fail the test on womanhood. Focus on being in a place peace and you find that all things will get done in time. Be patient with yourself and your process. God took six days to create the universe and He rested on the 7th day. I doubt that He was like, I have so much more on my to-do list. Life is too short to create an endless list of things to do.

Learn to relax and enjoy each day as a gift, not a laundry list of chores.  In fact, I challenge you to add something to your daily to-do list and actually go for it.

 

 

Just Say Yesss!!!!


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Just say “YES” to “ME”. Seven years ago, the thought would never have crossed my mind. Today, I don’t contemplate heavily about what that really means.

My 2015 has been a roller coaster ride of emotional unrest. Life as I knew it unraveled and came completely undone. That woman that I thought I was supposed to be was stripped down bare naked and exposed for a fraud. It was painful and embarrassing. The bitter cold of being exposed was brutal and lonely. It was just me… I could not hide and I could not disappear. I had to stand there for all to see. My family, friends, children and even strangers stared at my exposed bare naked self. I had to see my true self. I could not say “YES” to “ME”.

The true me was depressed and unhappy, because I was in a horrible marriage. My spouse was abusive mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and finally physically. For years, I keep trying to be everything to my husband and everyone else. I believed what my religion taught me about marriage and applied the principles taught to run my home like a well-oiled machine.

However, the reality was that I knew that my relationship with my husband got worse every year, no matter how hard I tried. I tried everything too, but nothing changed the fact that I felt horrible about my marriage. I prayed so hard for things to change, my faith would not allow me to believe that my marriage was destine for failure. Surely God would change my marriage and my husband, if I stayed faithful.

So armed with that believed, I said “NO” to me.  I lost “ME”. She was gone, with her dreams, desires, goals, and self-worth. I could not find her, she appeared in old photographs and old journals. The “ME” that I knew and loved disappeared for good.  “ME” as I knew it was gone forever (so I thought), in her place the “SHELL” remained. The “SHELL” lived the life that others told her too. She was great at all her wifely/motherly duties and others desired to be her. They believed that the “SHELL” was happy with her life.

The “SHELL” was empty on the inside and fragile on the outside. Easily broken by the opinions of other women and a husband that wanted to break her down. The “SHELL” never got tired of denying “ME”, even when “ME” screamed from far away to come back. The “SHELL” was empty, but had no space for “ME” or “YES”, the “SHELL” worked best alone and in isolation knowing that no one would support what “ME” and “YES” really wanted.

I believe that God set “ME” free in 2015. There was a price for freedom, but in order to say “YES” to “ME”…it was paid. In the first week of October 2014, my husband came home from church and beat the “SHELL” up in front of my four children.  The “SHELL” did not fight back or call the police. He destroyed the “SHELL” and she was broken forever. He could not put the pieces back together, she was not repairable and he knew it. The following day, “ME” returned and took action. “ME” swept up the broken pieces of the “SHELL” and discarded them. Then “ME” did the most important thing in my life, she said “YES”. She said “YES”….You deserve better! Your children deserve better! God wants you to have the best!

It took months, but in February 2015…I said “NO” to my abusive cheating narcissistic spouse and “YES” to “ME”. It was hard, because the “SHELL” was gone and people did not want “ME”. They told “ME” to stay a “SHELL” for the sake of the children and my husband could change. “ME” was scared to walk away, but knew that saying “YES” to “ME” meant life and not death. “ME” was a fighter and much stronger than the “SHELL”. “ME” took the hits from judgmental people, the abusive spouse and those that walked away. In the end, “ME” was stronger every day and able to say “YES” to a new life. A life were peace, faith and joy roamed free in the home and the children laughed with glee.

In the end, those that discovered “ME” loved her. I love her too. She is creative, honest, funny, brave, strong, free, love, dependent, beautiful, fashionable, kind and fun. Her plans include raising great kids, becoming wealthy, being healthy, giving back, and inspiring others. Maybe experiencing true love. “ME” is awesome and I am so glad that I said “YES” to “ME”.